Introduction
Your interest in receiving and using this Discussion Guide probably means that you have used Parenting Styles Revealed and found it useful. Your experience using the workbook will be a valuable asset as you offer the benefits of a discussion group to others. The procedure for establishing and facilitating a group is relatively simple, and some guidelines are offered below.

One of the purposes and results of parents using the workbook, and other resources of the Parenting Initiative, is that their children begin to develop a sense of “purpose” in life. This may manifest as clear career goals, or a skill or talent to develop, or a life of service in any field, or simply clarity of direction.

As you plan and conduct any work with a discussion group, please remember that the Parenting Initiative is available to assist with any questions that arise—without charge. Please contact us.

Decide on a “model” for a series of meetings.
How long will each meeting last? How often will it be held? How many total meetings in the series? You can experiment with various forms. One common model is to meet for an hour each week, for three or four weeks. Will the group be simply for education and discussion, or will parents decide on changes to make, and then report their results at subsequent meetings?

Start small.
It is fine, even preferred, to begin with a couple of people, perhaps meeting with coworkers during lunch at your company/organization, or with neighbors over coffee in your home or religious organization.

Expect commitment.
Announce a fixed number of meetings and ask people to agree to attend all of them. After the first series is over, you and the group may wish to extend the number of meetings and commitments. Or you may wish to start a new series with new people.

Share.
Share and spread the responsibilities. Encourage/inspire others to take organizational responsibilities for the meetings. For example, they might conduct/facilitate or publicize the meetings, or recruit members, or provide refreshments.

Four Elements to the Meetings:
Each meeting uses one or more of the following four elements. Not all are used in any single meeting, and they needn’t be used in any particular order. You can combine the elements to create a model that best fits your group. Over time, that model may change.

1. Discuss some of the 92 views or items.

2. Do and/or discuss some of the workbook’s exercises as a group—for example, the exercise on “overdoing” (page 15), or the exercises on making a plan of action (pages 16–18).

3. Parents decide on, and then commit to, making certain changes in their parenting behavior.

4. Parents who have been making these changes at home report on the results and perhaps request support and ideas from the group and facilitators.

Items 3 and 4 represent another element of the meetings. That is to say, the meetings can be primarily for study, education and discussion. But you may choose to add, sooner or later, a component in which parents make changes at home and report on the results. Either model is fine and may depend on the nature of your group.

At the end of each meeting, each person says one thing that they have learned at the meeting, or better yet, one thing that they will do as a result of what they have learned.

A. Exercise: Work with the 92 views and perspectives. Discuss some of the 92 views or items. Participants complete all or part of the items at home before the group meeting. Much is learned by simply reading and pondering the items by oneself. This activity “makes us think.” The participant then discusses the items with their spouse and/or others who are helping to raise the child. The participant then selects some to discuss during the meeting.

B. At the meeting participants request that the group discuss their selected items/viewpoints, from among the 92. Some reasons for requesting the discussion:

• The item was eye-opening to them and they want to hear others’ opinions.

• The participant is trying to better comprehend the item, and hopes that others will help to clarify it.

• The participant feels strongly about the item, either positively or negatively, and wants to hear the opinion of others; wants to keep an open mind.

When discussing the items, the facilitator might say, “Helen, what is the number of the item you would like to discuss? Number 4? Okay, all those who selected the left side of number 4, please raise your hand. Now all those who selected the right side of number 4 please raise your hand.

"That ‘vote’ gives us some idea of the general thinking of the group. Now let’s have some specific discussion from the group. Please raise your hand and when I call on you, please tell us why you selected the side that you did.”

There is an alternative way to work with the 92 views or items instead of reading and marking them before the meeting: During the first 10 minutes of the meeting, the participants read and silently work in their workbooks. They go through as many items as they can. In 10 minutes, most will complete about 30 or more items. Then each person calls out the items they wish to have discussed by the group.

A Note to the Group Facilitators
The Parenting Initiative’s proposed replies to the 92 items are on page 21. Other people may have different views, and this is perfectly fine. The purpose of the workbook is to help each person do some personal reflection; to “make us think.” It is not about convincing others of our point of view. If questions arise, it may be useful to refer participants to extensive research that supports the main concepts in Parenting Styles Revealed. This research is reported at the end of this Discussion Guide. Furthermore, if participants, or you, have questions or comments, you are all warmly encouraged to contact the Parenting Initiative, including the authors of the workbook.

C. Exercise: “Overplaying Our Styles,” page 15.

• Ask participants if they checked any of the items on page 15. That is to say, ask participants if they sometimes overplay a point of view.

• Ask, “What are some of the reasons we, as parents, do this? Are these reasons similar to the ones on the list? Does the group have additional reasons?”

• Ask, “What is the best solution, for the good of the child, when we discover that we are overplaying some of our parenting practices?”

D. Exercise: Discuss some of the 17 major parenting concepts listed on pages 16 and 17. Ask the group:

• “Which of these concepts have become ‘learning’ or ‘aha’ items for you—concepts that take on renewed importance after using the workbook, or after discussing with others?”

• “What are some specific things you have learned from doing this exercise?

• “What will you do, as a consequence of what you are learning?”

E. Exercise: The group assists one another in completing the planning exercises, page 18. Other parents can share their experiences with those who are making the plans. Thus, the plans become more practical and effective.

F. Exercise: Participants select some character trait(s) they want to foster in their children and in the family, page 20. The participants discuss how they can go about doing this and act as resources to one another.

G. Parent commitment and follow-up: This is the meeting model/format in which parents commit to making changes, and then report back to the group. During part of the meeting parents decide what changes they will make, and then commit to do them and announce their plans to the group. This model has various benefits. It strengthens the parents’ resolve and commitment and it generates support from the rest of the group. It also means that the parents are expected to report on the results at the next weekly meeting and get feedback from the group. Some parents may exchange phone numbers or e-mail addresses in order to give/receive support during the week between meetings. The parents thus become cheerleaders, advisors, and resource persons for one another.

H. A united front: The group should remind one another of the need to create and maintain a united front so the child cannot manipulate his way by splitting the parents or other adults. The parents and caregivers need to support one another in their parenting decisions, and conduct any conversations about their differences of opinion at times when the child cannot hear.

I. Set ground rules for the meetings to emphasize the respect that participants are expected to show to one another. These might be published as a handout. Some examples of ground rules that may be changed or added to:

1. Arrive on time. The meeting starts and ends at the specified time.
2. Listen to the ideas of others.
3. Build on the ideas of others.
4. Let others’ ideas trigger our own new thoughts.
5. Be willing to learn.
6. Stay positive; do not argue or try to convince others.
7. Look for solutions.
8. Keep the interests of the child foremost.
9. Continually ask ourselves, “What are the likely effects on the child if we do ‘X’? If we do not do ‘X’? If we do ‘Y’?”

J. Share your tips and resources.
After facilitating a few meetings you will discover and create techniques that are especially useful: ways to foster group discussion and participation; ways to enhance the parent’s ability to make commitments to change; ways to recruit new group members; and ways to offer ongoing support to the group members, both during and after the times they attend meetings.

When you discover what works, share the tips with others and send them to the Parenting Initiative. They will be compiled and made available to others, just as this Discussion Guide is based on the practical experiences of others.

K. Collect and report success stories and anecdotes.
Stories of the results of your meetings, and the changes that occur in the lives of the children and parents, are very welcome. Send them to the Parenting Initiative and they will be shared. If names are used, be sure to change them for privacy purposes.

L. Follow up.
Encourage parents to periodically review—say, at three-month intervals—their plans and the progress they and their children are making. They can acknowledge their progress and also refocus on the areas that are not working, perhaps trying new approaches or contacting resources for assistance. They can involve new people in their plans—a new teacher, or an ex-spouse or new spouse.

M. The Parenting Initiative as a resource.
Use the Parenting Initiative as a resource. You are welcome to contact us for further information, questions, and comments.

N. Workbook authors as a resource to you.
It may be possible for you to arrange for one of the workbook’s authors to speak to your group and answer questions. If so, your group would be gathered around an ordinary speakerphone at your meeting site. This is an excellent way to kick off the formation of a new group and attract members. All services of the Center are offered at no cost. You would simply pay for the phone call if it were long distance.

O. Arrange for a phone interview at your local radio stations or newspaper.
The authors are glad to speak to interviewers in your city. You can show the workbook to the radio interviewer and arrange for a radio or press interview via telephone.

For your interest:

The following research may be of interest to you and, at some point, perhaps be of interest to the people in your discussion group. But it is not a topic that needs to be raised or discussed in the beginning, nor perhaps at any of the meetings.

Research that Supports Parenting Styles Revealed's Main Findings