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WANTED! COMMITTED PARENTS
WHO SET A GOOD EXAMPLE

The most important thing we’ll ever do for our children is to set an example which will inspire them to be like us. How many of us have observed a behavior or heard a phrase from our children, immediately knowing where it came from? From us, to our dismay! The idea that example is important is ancient. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: “What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say." Do our actions in front of our children block out any words we might say? Shouldn’t we be ashamed to say to our children, “Do as I say, not as I do”?

Take a look at the table below. It identifies certain areas of our lives that our children will definitely notice. Note which of the behaviors are behaviors we want our children to emulate and those that we’d rather they not know about.

Victim Traits

Totally Responsible Person Characteristics
Self-centered, selfish concern for only ourselves An outflowing concern for others, our community and nation
Do we criticize and gossip about others in front of our children? Do we look for the best in others and point out to our children examples of character and goodness in others?
Do we accumulate things to give us status and to keep up with the Joneses? Do we show self-control in the consumption and use of material things?
Are our desires and wants in control of us? Do we demonstrate that we're in control of our wants and desires?
Due to lack of time or interest do we allow others to raise our children? Do we look for and nurture our children's strengths and talents?
Do we blame teachers and schools for deficiencies we see in our children? Do we support and work with teachers and schools?
Do we allow things to get to us and do we take things personally? Do we demonstrate self-control and a positive attitude and demeanor all the time?
Do we put down and demean others? Do we show respect for others?
Do we spend or waste money whether we have it or not? Do we manage our finances responsibly?
Do we seek satisfaction for our little self, seeking fulfillment of our personal agendas? Do we aspire to live a life of meaning and purpose?
Do we avoid or deny the notion that we can improve ourselves? Do we exhibit in our lives a conscious intentional movement toward a virtue?
Do we demonstrate that grades are the most important thing our children should strive for? Do we demonstrate that character expressed in daily life is of high importance?
Are we obsessed with the acquisition of knowledge? Do we seek wisdom?
Do we speak frequently about our values? Do we live our values?
Do we always seek the easy way out? Do we consciously take on difficult and challenging tasks--take the road less traveled?
Do we rescue others, thus preventing them from experiencing the consequences of their own behaviors? Do we encourage and support others in taking responsibility for their mistakes and how they handle misfortune?
Do we reveal that we are helpless and needy? Do we demonstrate self-sufficiency?

When our children are in our shoes, they will answer these questions the same way we answer them today--because we taught them by our example.

©TRP Enterprises, Inc. 2003. This document has been used with permission.