Teach children importance of service
Character grows from learning that every life has meaning and hard times are tests

By W. Thomas White
GUEST COLUMNIST

Probably the most important gift we will ever give our children is the example we set. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say." Most parents have had that cringing experience of hearing their children say something that they immediately recognize as having come from their own mouths. Likewise, our behavior is copied by our children, and we see it daily.

One of the most important behaviors we can pass on to our children is a family value related to being more concerned about others than ourselves. This family value, chosen by the parents, is referred to as "service" or "serving others." Its importance in our modern society derives from the fact that children are bombarded with attention and things. Their lives become defined by the attention they get or the things they have, rather than qualities of character. Life becomes all about the children rather than about doing for others.

To balance these self-centered, desire-based influences, parents can teach their children, with words and deeds, the importance of serving others -- family, community, mosque/church/temple and nation. They can follow the advice of St. Francis of Assisi, who is purported to have said, "Preach the gospel, and if you have to, use words."

I learned the importance of service as a young child, thanks to the example of my parents. They had wanted to have a large family, but between my younger brother and me, two children died at birth. Then, in 1953, mother prematurely gave birth to Frances Anne White, weighing 1 pound, 15 ounces. To our dismay, "Peaches," as she came to be known, was blind and had profound mental retardation, cerebral palsy and hydrocephalus.

My parents were disappointed and saddened, but that didn't last long. As they began to investigate what resources were available for what were then referred to as "handicapped" children, they discovered that in our hometown of Mount Airy, there were none. Immediately setting out to rectify the situation, they investigated other communities, called on experts, educated community leaders and organized caravans of citizens to travel to other communities to investigate what was possible.

The result of their efforts was the creation of one of the first handicapped-children centers in the state. A full-time physical therapist was hired, and families that previously had no place to go could take their children to the center for help. And, in the mid-'50s in a small Southern town, the center was the first racially integrated institution.

That center provided my brother and me with our first volunteer opportunities. I donated my bicycle so it could be equipped with side wheels and seat and pedal straps so the children using it to strengthen their legs wouldn't fall off. One memory is of a couple with a one-year-old blind son. They didn't know how to handle him, so they didn't, literally. As it turned out, the only problem the child had was his blindness. Within a few months at the center he was becoming a normal toddler. He had previously never turned over in his bed without help.

Peaches never benefited from the center, as she died at age 5. Yet, in her short life, more good for the community was accomplished than others accomplish in a normal life span -- all because our parents refused to be victimized by her condition. They treated it as an opportunity and reversed the inward self-focused flow of their sadness and self-pity to an out-flowing concern for not only their own child but also other similar children. The memory of the joy on my parents' faces as they worked to develop the center will remain with me, along with the example of community service they set for my brother and me. The organization founded as a result of Peaches' birth has existed for about 50 years and has helped hundreds of people.

As a result of my parents' example, I learned that every life has meaning, a purpose, and that we must treat seemingly catastrophic events as tests intended to see how we handle them. My parents passed with an A+. The example of service they set has influenced me for more than 50 years now.

• W. Thomas White is a volunteer with the Parenting Initiative, a volunteer-based business/nonprofit partnership in Winston-Salem, NC, where he lives.

• Persons interested in learning more about the Parenting Initiative can call 336-761-8745 or write inquiry@parenting-initiative.org. The Parenting Initiative provides free workshops, keynote addresses, and counseling.

Another resource promoting parents and children engaging in service and community-building is Kids Connect NC.