Moving on to Real Love Without Rescuing, Enabling, or Compensating

As the guardians of our children during their years of growth, we’re charged with helping them comprehend the emotional nature and how to use it constructively instead of selfishly. This is done through the mind vs. the emotions. There will be many tests for our children—times when they are tempted to follow their emotional "urges" rather than what they know mentally. Our job is to guide them through this phase of growth—learn approaches for guiding without rescuing or enabling.

What is meant by rescue or enable? When we rescue our children, we are taking care of them so that they do not have to be responsible for their behavior or emotional state. By doing so, we are shielding our children from the consequences of their behavior. How many times have we said to ourselves, "I just want to help my child"? If we look back on the situation that prompted this thought, we would likely discover that we are seeing our own shortcomings in them. Something so simple as wanting to help our child with their math homework quickly becomes a rescuing scenario that not only makes our child comfortable but relieves the doubts we have about ourselves as well. Explore the many ways we rescue and enable.

Someone once said, "The degree to which we rescue is the degree to which we, ourselves, want to be rescued." Are we operating out of real love or are we just making ourselves "comfortable" by rescuing and enabling our children? Are we allowing them to take the easy path? How does this serve them later in life?

Every day we encounter the opportunity to make parental choices. Expand awareness of patterns of rescuing and enabling, from gross to subtle. Examine how our choices relative to these patterns affect how our children live their lives.