by Beverley Danziger
Published in Vision Magazine, January, 2005

Parenting is one of the most awesome responsibilities on this planet, even more so for those who believe that we are spiritual beings here for a specific life purpose. Can we think of a greater commitment or privilege than that of bringing a child into physical birth? To nurture the body, guide the emotional nature, and cultivate and protect the mind, all done in seriousness and in the best interest of the child is an awesome responsibility that requires an ongoing flow of love, self-sacrifice, and intuitive intelligence.

It can be said that every newborn child has two primary opportunities: to work through experiences and to discover his/her life purpose, which will emerge in time if encouraged and fostered. How many people have a clear sense of why they are here, and what they should be doing? What obstructs this soul purpose from surfacing and being fulfilled? The strongest message most children receive starting from birth is that our natural out-flowing energies should be reversed and directed inward towards the little self. In other words the child learns early on that he/she is special and that to fulfill desire is of the utmost importance. This “I want” syndrome is introduced and fostered almost immediately in the child. “If only I had; I won’t be happy unless I....” We shower the child with attention and material goods, fuel his/her wish to always be the center of attention, and encourage the habit of fulfilling desire as a means to find happiness and justify one’s existence. And so, at a very early age, the child is locked in a lifetime where emotions and desire dominate. Thus the innocent purity within this fragile form is covered blanket by blanket, hiding the natural radiance and beauty.

Parents don’t commit these errors out of carelessness or irresponsibility; it is simply all we have known. How can we criticize a child for being selfish or self-centered if that is all he has been exposed to? Desire in itself is not wrong. It is, however, greatly misused. It allows us to recover from setbacks and disappointments, but if desire is all that exists, it leaves us empty in the end. Desire anchors us to Earth, creating conditions for unhappiness, disappointment and self-pity. The goal is not to rid ourselves of desire but to raise its energy so that it gradually transmutes into aspiration, reversing the flow, this time to its natural out-flowing direction. Aspiration provides us the first real opportunity to glimpse the deepest inner nature, the soul self in expression. The child is then motivated to use this new energy in the form of service to others, for the strongest drive of the human soul is to serve.

The biggest enemy of uncontrolled desire is structure, regulation and discipline. Children need structure; the soul begs this of parents. Discipline and structure encourage the inner soul qualities to emerge, find expression in the personality, and be represented in the outside world. It is important to remember that discipline does not always have to be imposed; it can be acquired. Discipline is employed from a bond of love and interest, not from irritation when the parent’s own desires are infringed upon. The most balanced and stable children are those whose parents are the most consistent in setting the boundaries of behavior and parental expectations.

Guiding the souls of tomorrow is our responsibility. Every child potentially possesses great wisdom, love and awareness, awaiting only the opportunity to serve. The child can express these qualities only if his or her personality is provided the necessary environment in which to blossom. Our parenting can mean the difference between a child fulfilling his/her purpose in life, or wasting that life trapped in a physical body as a slave to its desires and emotions. The parent who chooses to teach aspiration needs to be strong, and find inner resolve. This is no easy task. For those who are willing to take this harder, higher path in parenting, congratulations, know you are not alone in your work. The Parenting Initiative is here to help you.